These pressures seem to get more intense as boys get older: through interviews, boys themselves report that when they hit early adolescence, around 10-12 years old, they felt more pressure to fit into masculine stereotypes than before. This trajectory may continue to mount with age: across every category, parents surveyed with sons on the older end of the spectrum (12-14 years old), reported their boys face more pressure to fit into a masculine ideal, than did parents of boys aged 4-11. Some parents may consciously, or unconsciously reinforce these masculine stereotypes: 25% of parents surveyed agree it is very important for their sons to “act like a boy,” (and not like a girl), 19% think it is very important for their sons to be straight.
This isn’t surprising, considering Equimundo’s research, which finds that at least 72% of young men (18-30 years old) in the US say they’ve been told that, “A ‘real’ man behaves a certain way,” at some point in their life, and that this way often involves being heterosexual, tough, and a risk-taker. This can have negative consequences: young men who hold more stereotypical views about manhood are more unhappy, depressed and anxious, more likely to have considered suicide, to binge drink, to harass and to bully, and to use violence than young men who have less restrictive views of manhood.
However, preferences for honesty, respect, and emotional health for their sons demonstrate that, despite the persistence of harmful ideas about masculinity, many parents are working to help their sons break free from stereotypes: 61% of parents voted ‘being honest’ into their priority list of 5 traits they think are most important for their sons to learn, while 56% opted for ‘respecting others’, and 53% for ‘being responsible’. Only 7% of parents agree that being physically strong should make the top of their son’s priority list. With many parents spending additional time with their children, due to the spread of COVID-19, there is a challenge and an opportunity to continue to support boys to break free from stereotypes and to share their feelings in constructive, safe ways.
"The spread of COVID-19 has meant that many of us are not only spending increased time at home with our children, we are also worrying about the impact of the crisis on their wellbeing as well as our own,” says Gary Barker, President and CEO of Equimundo, “During this time, as adults, we have the opportunity to model how to express fears and concerns, and how to give and receive comfort and support. Our hope is that this guidance supports parents as they seek to encourage their children, particularly their sons, to express and cope with difficult feelings during this difficult time as well as long afterwards."
The report recommends actions parents can take, including to: Talk openly to children about their own fears, uncertainties, and disappointments, in age-appropriate ways; Take advantage of the time at home to talk constructively with boys; Acknowledge the particular challenges boys feel about being vulnerable, and the courage it takes for them to be open; Reinforce that it’s okay to need help and to ask for it; Seek help for yourself to care for your mental and physical health; Remember that you are not alone.
“Perpetuated generation after generation, gender stereotypes about what it is to be a “real man” – not tolerating the expression of emotion – have a direct impact on violence against women around the world. To paraphrase Simone de Beauvoir, ‘you are not born a man, but you become one’. The role of parents, as well as school, sports and TV, are all essential in building a new concept of masculinity, based on gender equality,” states Céline Bonnaire, Executive Director of the Kering Foundation.
This report is the first in a series of new research and resources from the Global Boyhood Initiative, a project of Equimundo and the Kering Foundation.
